you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
