i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
