Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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