my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
