And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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