I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
