Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
