I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
