so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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