I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
