is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
