you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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