I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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