his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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