Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
