It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
