then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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