look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
