At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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