but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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