Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
