Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize