I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
