You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
