i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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