I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
