if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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