I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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