tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
