the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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