Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
