so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
