we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
