So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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