i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
