Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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