im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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