would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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