Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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