i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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