I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
