new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
