Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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