Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
