Your tits are I can't wait for
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
