Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
