If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
