why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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