The maid of honor just puked.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
