Your face is a jimmy john
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
