Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
