I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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