Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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