Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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