Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
