Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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