it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
