This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize