You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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