I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
