You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
