She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
