I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
