You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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